Hey Reader,

Did you know that there's an ugly, scary beast that will try to eat you alive when you are working towards your goals?

Lately, it's been giving me a run for my money trying to fight it off. 👹

And let me tell you, this beast is relentless.

You see, a while back I set a goal to build a YouTube channel on personal growth topics and to put out a video at minimum once a week.

And in the beginning, it was exciting and easy...

Then I went through a 6-week cohort that teaches you every single aspect that you could think of in growing a successful YouTube channel, and it was hard truth time. 🤦

Creating quality videos consistently that people actually want to watch is HARD!

There's a lot that goes into it from getting the right gear, understanding proper lighting, learning video editing, camera presence, storytelling to understanding copyright issues.

The sheer magnitude of all the different things you need to do and account for to get one video published can make your head spin. 😫

And so the long slog began. I started churning out videos rinsing and repeating every week, all the while trying to avoid looking at my video view stats to avoid feeling discouraged.

Because the truth is, goals are easy to start.

We get really excited in the beginning — seduced by our future achievement, visualizing what the end result will be like for us.

We hit the ground running with loads of energy but after several weeks or months, the buzz wears off, momentum slows, and our enthusiasm wanes.

And right on cue that "beast" I mentioned earlier begins to emerge.

When it arrives things go from thrilling and full of movement and then boom out of nowhere you hit what author Seth Godin calls "The Dip" — that long grind between starting your goal and reaching success in which you have to actually put in the work. 🐪

It's that challenging time period that can be stressful, truly tests your mettle, and everything you planned for is up in the air (yet again).

It's when you get reminded of that hard truth: life is wildly unpredictable, messy, completely uncontrollable, and it doesn't give a crap about your "big goals".

Welcome to the messy middle.

Whether it's trying to reach a fitness goal, starting a business, taking on a new project, or running a marathon, all big goals get hit with the messy middle.

Because during the middle of any endeavor, it becomes easy to give up, talk yourself out of it, and flat out abandon ship when that "beast" starts throwing its punches.

This is when you're "in the weeds" trying to accomplish your goal, where the mistakes are made, and when your constantly reworking and adjusting things on the fly. 🧟

The time when your original plan begins to falter and hard lessons are learned.

It's when the work required to reach your goal becomes more demanding and maybe more personal sacrifices are needed.

Those blissful moments you used to spend daydreaming and visualizing your future success have now been replaced with worrying if that success you envisioned is even likely. 😟

That "beast" may even bring its good friend impostor syndrome along with it for the ride — as you find yourself questioning whether or not you have right the skills or have what it takes to make your vision a reality.

I did say it was relentless. 🤷🏻‍♂️

The messy middle is the point when your insecurities and fears are at the surface pleading with you to just give into them.

It’s a point when you have to decide which path to take...

The easy and comfortable path which doesn't excite you but feels safe and gives you instant relief from this turmoil. Or the uncomfortable one which can lead you to your pot of gold... 🍯but is dam hard and demanding!

And if you do decide to retreat and give up, you then face having wasted a great deal of time and energy and are left being haunted by "what could've been".

Here's the hard truth that I keep having to remind myself of:

Goal achievement especially for big, bold ones is like running a marathon. 🏃🏻‍♀️

I never ran one but everything you hear about what it takes to complete one is that there are very few things that will test your mettle like a marathon.

I mean, 26.2 miles is indeed a long way.

There's a reason why not everyone who runs a marathon finishes.

Marathon running epitomizes the qualities of determination and perseverance that are necessary to reach outsized goals.

Just like the runners who cross the finish line are uniquely successful because they didn't give up when things got tough, so are those people who stick to their vision despite that "beast" of the messy middle having its way with them. 🏆

Because we often think that chasing our dreams is a path paved with roses because we see others “just doing it.”

It might appear on the outside as easy, but what we see is the end result, a result that came from slow starts and advanced into something concrete after taking their fair share of right hooks and left jabs from the messy middle. 👊🏼

It’s the by-product of someone who had to sweat, get knocked down, and maybe even wiggle through some mud and barbed wire to finish the race. 🧗🏻‍♂️

And guess what? If you don't get the end result you initially envisioned but still endured having the kitchen sink thrown at you...

You WON ANYWAY — because you've more than likely grown in remarkable ways you can't possibly even imagine right now.

And it's quite possible the Universe has something better in store for you.

At least it's what I try to tell myself when shit hits the fan and that "beast" comes creeping to swallow me up and spit me out.

And if all else fails, I just watch this inspiring scene from Rocky VI when Rocky tells his son:

You, me or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life.

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But it ain’t about how hard you hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward; how much you can take and keep moving forward.

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That’s how winning is done! 🥊

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No matter what you're facing, hang in there and keep giving that "beast" hell despite what it throws at you.
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6 Tips to Get Through the Messy Middle

1. Be aware and accept that it's only a matter of time.​
   Being aware and accepting that things will eventually get 'messy' and stay that way for a while is enough to help you navigate the slog. If you expect things to get messy, when it arrives you're less likely to see it as a sign that you're failing and thus more likely not to give up. Remember one of the biggest reasons people don't reach their goals is because they give up too soon. Hanging with it even when you're not seeing results is what separates those who reach their goal and those who don't.
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2. Map out the mess.
   ​The next time you feel overwhelmed by the state of your project or goal, or what you have to do next, try writing it down. Map out the things you’ve done, what you’re working on now, and next steps. Things often seem messier in your mind than they do on paper.
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   👉 For more, check out this article on 9 Ways To Stop Feeling Overwhelmed​
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3. Break down your goal into smaller targets.​
   Aiming towards reaching one giant finish line can seem far away and daunting when you’re stuck in the middle. So instead of thinking in terms of getting to one final destination, break your goal into bite-sized more manageable chunks. Studies have shown our brain loves to constantly acknowledge that we have achieved a goal because it releases feel-good neurochemistry such as dopamine, which propels us to want to experience that same sensation again. With smaller goals, we can more frequently give our brain the "high" it wants.
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   🧠For more on this, check out this essay I wrote on How Goal-Setting Works in the Brain​
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4. Acknowledge how far you've already come.
   ​A few weeks ago, I wrote about the importance of recognizing Your Reverse Gap because we spend so much of our time and energy focused on the opposite where we are now and where we want to be in the future. Reflect and give yourself props for where you are now compared to a year ago or even a few months ago. Celebrate all the wins, what you learned, and where you are headed.
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5. Accept changing course is par for the course.
   ​Success doesn’t always look like a straight line—usually, that line zigs and zags before it finally meets the end of its journey. While that uncertainty can be a little hard to stomach, remind yourself that it’s impossible to really know what your path will be until you’ve embarked on it, and that changing course (likely numerous times) is a necessary step in your journey. That sweet spot you're aiming for where you land on something concrete comes in time by constantly learning and refining as you go.
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6. Keep reminding yourself of your "Why".​
   At any point when you feel discouraged or stuck reach for some perspective by remembering why you began. What did you hope to achieve? Why did you start? What’s the end result? But most importantly if things are seeming like a drag, reconnect with the aspects and tasks towards your goal that really excite you and bring you joy. If part of your goal involves working one-on-one with others and that's something you love doing, then lock into those moments to remind yourself that is one of the reasons you started this in the first place.
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   👉 Try to maintain an attitude of playful sincerity in everything you do.
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How To Get Someone To Like You In 10 Seconds

In this post titled How To Get Readers To Like You In 10 Seconds by Kaleigh Moore, she details four sure-fire ways to make that happen as a writer. While I was reading it, I realized that the title of the post could easily have been "How To Get Someone To Like You In 10 Seconds."

Here are Kaleigh's ideas tweaked to apply to people in general instead of just readers.

1. Make ‘em laugh​
   If someone makes you laugh right off the bat, you’re going to like them. Why? It's science: Laughter cues an endorphin release in the brain. Keep the humor on the dry side and poke fun at yourself. A little self-deprecating humor goes a long way.
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2. Share your relatable flaws and imperfections.​
   Sharing our shortcomings, failures, and insecurities means that we’re both self-aware of our flaws, and willing to be vulnerable with others. When we’re honest and vulnerable, it helps others see us as fellow flawed humans…rather than untouchable, “I’ve got it all figured out” superhumans.
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3. Spotlight your personal achievements, not your privileges.​
   Any story of how you failed then made it through to the other side, learned an important lesson, and ultimately leveraged that experience to achieve something great has an instant likeable quality to them. However, stories of advantages or immunities only available to a particular person or group (knowingly or not) can make others feel alienated. No one you first meet wants to hear about your special treatment.
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4. Embrace your quirks.​
   Everybody has something that makes them a little weird. Most of the time, society tells us not to talk about those things that diverge from the norm, so we’re taught to hide away our weirdness. But guess what? Your “weird thing” is probably someone else’s “weird thing,” too. Don’t be afraid to spotlight your personal oddities.

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Pushing to the Max:
A Counterintuitive Approach To Personal Growth

The idea of PUSHING YOURSELF with no limits is a prevalent idea in the self-development world. Sometimes we want something so bad we think we need to push ourselves to the brink every day. In this short video I explore this counterintuitive approach to reaching our goals.

Watch the video 4 mins ➜

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Thanks for reading.
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​As Always, Keep Creating,

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